we all need to encounter changes, and we all do encounter it whether we accept it or not. I do remember when I was still younger that I really felt weak, shy and out of place in this world. My childhood memories were both filled with heartaches and joys as well. But given a chance, I would really choose not to go back. Anyway, naisip ko lang :)

Ayun, Every day and every night. I am just letting time pass by. How I miss schooling. I think that I am not yet emotionally prepared to work. Moreover, I don't like the work that is offered to me. Now, I am just trying to enjoy myself; wondering and prapering for trips for abroad na walang kasiguruhan.

I just hope things will be fine and alright.

I am writing this entry just because I am bored and I have nothing to do. Frankly, I don't know what I am writing and I am just typing the words that pop out into my lazy and green mind.

If you think about life too much, insecurities will consume you and so as frustrations will rise into the thin air as if you are not worth to live or perfect. Indeed, no man is perfect. we all have our flaws, our shortcomings-we fall down, get hurt and we feel low to the deepest bottom when major problems arise. THIS IS the BITTERSWEET fac of life. If there's a formula for a well-organized living, a path to a perfect life then, please give it to me :P But there is none. It is the everyday stress, and progress makes the world go around.

Life's complexities is not just a phase. Everything big and small are to be considered complex! We just makes things simple. We construct the essence of being "simple" in our minds just to save time. We lable simplicity and we own it because thinking too much of certain details will definitely make us crazy.

So, I hope that these will give you an idea where to find me years from now-at a mental institution because I think too much. Though I know that thinking too much has some negative effects, I just can't help it. If I try to enjoy life to the fullest then I feel that I am exerting too much effort in making myself happy and content. I want happiness to be NATURAL, that's it! but no no no no, is it true that you just PUT THE EFFORT, to be happy?

You know what people, the reason I want to die early is to be with my creator. That's it! Somehow, I feel and I have faith that being with HIM would make me really happy. (Yeah, I know I sound a lil bit mentally pathological, but that's what I feel).

I resent Love, because I dunno if it does really exist. I resent life because I dunno what is the meaning of life, or am I just fearful of the future-of the things that are ahead of me? This is because, in my deepest part of my heart and the truthfulness of my soul, I say this blunty "I don't want to rely on anyone at all".

Lagi ko na lang naiisip that life is really complex and really difficult to deal with. Honestly, everyday na lumilipas... parang wala... a day of hell; nothing to look up ahead. I wanna die. I wanna die not because I am sad, but because I think I have nothing to do anymore in this world. Everything is senseless for me. Happiness evades me. Darkness encompassess me. I have tried having a different orientation, a different outlook but it doesnt really work. Life is not better. THe longer I stay in this world... the longer I see the flaws... the shortcomings... the things that i cannot change. I want some medicine just to change all these...

I love all the people that have been part of my life. I love my parents, my sibling, my friends...hahahaha

IS HAPPINESS REALLY THERE? I guess so... because of you guys I have managed to stay alive for 20 years :P

Hmmmm I just wanna express my madness through this blog or else mababaliw na naman ako.

It just ticks me off na until now wala pa akong practicum site for my clinical Psychoology and at the same time, I am getting worried. Whaat  if I cannot finish my practicum on time?

ewan ko ba, ayaw ko pa naman ng nahihirapan ehhehehe :P

Kalawakan adventure: worth anticipating?

wala lang mali pa yung grammar ko sa babang blog entry hehehehe sa sobrang inis? kulang ng isang word ehehhe "I cannot extract a single juice of happiness in this life" dapat wala lang. ehhehe

Busy busyhan ako lagi feeling ko nga malapit na ako mag burn out. Minsan gusto ko na lang magpabaya. Demanding ng oras na nde naman. Napapalakas tuloy ang kain ko.. tumataba tuloy ako.

Tapos mamyang hapon, may leadership training daw sa dati kong school pinapapunta ako pero d naman ako pinipilit. Kaso yun eh d ako marunong tumanggi sa ganyan ewan ko b kahit mamatay na ako sa pagod ehhehe ewan ko ba. Pero sana maging productive naman ang pag punta ko dun.

Bukas may Kalawakan, Bulacan pa. Na di ko naman alam. Ewan d pa ako nagiimpake, namimili ng gamit. wala na ata akong oras. I know it's an opportunity for me to count m y blessings pero wala din. parang probinsya na din namin yun.... Ang iniisip ko lang baka maging pabigat pa kami sa pamilyang aampon sa amin imbis namatutu pa kami. And sawang sawa na ako sa ganyan sa totoo lang. Sa pag lalakad ng ilang kilometro, sa pagtawid sa mga ilog. Sa pag stay kung saan saan. i wanna have a convinient life- and I chose to have one. Kaya ayaw ko na balikan yan... heheheh

you have to do what you have to do